#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — She Shudders

To those of you celebrating today: HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Now for a totally NOT holiday related flash back poem…

She Shudders

Sometimes
I feel her
Inside
That little girl scared and alone
And
She shudders

Shivers
As though
Southern Arizona
Isn’t mad hot
Even in April
But she quivers

At the memory of kindergarten
Coming home
To an empty house
Not that unusual
But this day
Darkness came
Before grown folks
And even TV
Turned on
To ward away lonelies
Is no use
As light fades from sky
Tears fall
And she shudders

She lies on floor
Looking at moonrise
Through glass
Where are they?
Those ones
Who are supposed to care
And take care of
And love
Where are they?
And she trembles

In half house
With open walls
Wires bare
No paneling or sheet rock
Half bathroom wall
Shows tub
Whose drain goes to huge hole
Where septic tank is not
And next to tub
Bucket
“Pee pot”
For night urine
Because little me
Too scary
To go 100 feet to out house
In the dark
And she shudders

At nail scar
And centipedes
And scorpions
And aloneness
Turning into loneliness
As sky goes
Deeper darker blue
Crying loudly alone
Cats’ and dogs’ silent company
Uncomforting

This little girl memory
Still clings to me
And sometimes even now
Alone turns to lonely
And
I shudder

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Sep. 1st, 2005 at 1pm)

I actually still like this one a lot. Rare for me not to “get over” a poem. This one may have to be added to the favorites list.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — It’s all about me, people

It’s all about me, people

I sit…
and I wait…
for the world to revolve
back around my way
and finally realize
that I am the center
of the universe

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Aug. 25th, 2005 at 8:17am)

Just a fun little shorty.  I of course know that I am only the center of my own universe. :-)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — today I am your lady

today I am your lady

Today…
Today I am your Lady
You call me Beautiful
And Precious
And Queen
Today you love me
As much as I love you
We make love
Deep…
Sweet…
Love
With a passion flowing from the depths of our souls
Moving in heartbeat rhythm
Pace quickening
To hard, fast, passionate Love
Sharing breath and kisses
Look into my eyes and smile
Because this is Love
And I
Today…
Today I am your Lady
You call me by name
And I call yours
This passion ebbs and flows between us
This beautiful joy
Built on conversations and time shared
This caring that we feel
Today
And today
You kiss and hold me after we climax
And we lay and talk about every thing and nothing
Because you are my Lover
My King
My sweet and gentle man
And I
Am your Lady
Today… and forever

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com June 14th, 2005 at 4:45pm)

It’s a bit surreal reading these romantic poems after the fact. With a so much time passed and the immediacy of the emotion gone, I am much more technically critical of my work. I don’t hate this poem as a work. Love is still a pretty universal subject and this poem isn’t specific even though someone specific inspired it.

On a side note, technically since this was a long distance relationship I was still physically celibate even if (as this poem indicates) I was not emotionally or mentally celibate. 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — days end to end

days end to end

(Added line breaks)

Days move blindly
from one break to the next
weeks stumble halfheartedly
from one weekend to the next
weeks pour on tediously
from one month to the next
the time flows slow like thick sticky syrup

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com June 3rd, 2005 at 3:17pm) 

Back in 2005 I worked a regular full time job. This is how I felt about it.  

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — The Way I Feel About You

I hope you and yours are having a wonderful holiday if you celebrate Thanksgiving. And now a totally NOT holiday related flash back poem. :-)

 

The Way I Feel About You

The way I feel about you right now
I could melt into you
I could mix with you
This love is my drug
It is my sweet delicacy
This is chocolate
Honey
Butterscotch
Caramel
I could swallow your sweetness
Your essence
It is rum to me
Drunkenness inducing
A high
I float
I swim
I flow in thought to you
My elixir lies waiting on your lips
And so
I drink

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com June 1st, 2005 at 5:18pm)

For a long time after the long distance relationship ended I felt dumb for writing all these heart felt poems. Over time I have come to appreciate inspiration wherever it comes from. :-)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — sexless passion

sexless passion

is it possible?
the compatability to be measured
in moans
and heavy breath
without the benefit
of penetration
man and woman
tryste and writhe
move and grind
in constraint
fuelled by hope
hope of purity
of longevity
why wait?
because it is a power
over self
over flesh
in tune with a God?
in tune with inner core of person
saving a special connection
for lifelong
titillating meantime
sex without sex
feeling our skin together
our peace
our peices
our love
our lust
we touch each other
exploring
tasting
testing
and it breathes deep like sighs
it wraps us like a blanket
even though we are naked
under bare star sky
on soft grass
and we rise
and arch
in this pleasure
not needing
not wanting
loving
this

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com June 1st, 2005 at 1:07pm)

Another poem about the long distance relationship.  This poem still has the remnants of my pious celibacy in it, but with the hint of a more carnal leaning. The relationship lasted nearly two years so be prepared for quite a bit more on this subject. :-)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — inspiration to love

inspiration to love

(added line breaks and stanzas 6/2014)

A thousand words a day roll through my mind in thoughts of you
the gentle joy of my heart is my sweetest food of my spirit

and I breathe…
deep long sustaining breaths from the depths of my soul
movements of mind have rendered me your willing servant of mutual pleasure
sensual conversations have made me naked to my very soul

I dream of you…
I picture the bliss of tongue-to-tongue exchanges of fervor
I feel a passionate wanting in my core that lingers when our voices part

you are a sweet part of my peace
a pleasant corner of my mind
so I am smitten and infatuated
I am driven to seek this positive thing I find with you…

my inspiration to love

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com May 19th, 2005 at 10:49am)

In May of 2005 I began a long distance relationship that inspired a LOT of poetry. This is just the first of many.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — I can’t help but love you

I can’t help but love you

I can’t help it
I can’t help but love you
Or should I say I am deeply in love with the art you create
Would that be more accurate
But…
I can’t help it
I can’t help but love you
To think of you
The creative
Wonderful
Introspective
Social
You
Imagining the sound of your voice
The tone and tenor of your song
Is there anything you can’t do?
I feel your power
Your sweet artist soul
Waging war with mediocrity
And yet I don’t even know you
Not really
I read these lines online
Trying to find a way into your mind
Hoping to find the key
The key to hold you
Wanting to be where you are
But glad you are so far away
So unreachable
So untouchable
And yet…
So loveable
I can’t help it.
I can’t help but love you

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Apr. 7th, 2005 at 8:06am)

This poem was mostly about a poet who came to perform from out of state and violinist that featured at a local event but was also about pretty much anyone whose art I appreciated.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — WHAT A MAN IS

RAP: PLATINUM JONES – WHAT A MAN IS

At some point in 2005 I had started to formulate the characters for a story that I have yet to actually write. The story was based in Las Vegas with the primary setting as a strip club and the secondary settings were several whore houses. One of the characters was a whore turned madam/rapper named Patricia “Platinum” Jones. This is a rap I wrote from the perspective of this character.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s PLATINUM JONES, Queen of the Southwest

“Platinum Jones
Calling Vegas home
Southwest Queen on her throne
Keep your eyes open she’s about to be well known”

And this is one chapter in her story…

WHAT A MAN IS…

A man ain’t nothing but a ho to me
A bonafide pro to me
Someone to stack the dough for me
Slippin dollars on the low to me
Means to the end of a goal for me
That’s the only thing a bro could be

Because I clock dollars on they guts
You know it’s legal in Vegas
Because in funds I put my trust
Don’t cross me or I might just

Get ill more than just a little bit
Don’t think I’ll chill just cause I’m a chick
That ain’t the way hustlers stay rich
I got soldiers to handle a punk bitch
And don’t even be thinking that you might snitch

Because I’m royal I live regal
And all my shit is square and legal
So I fly high just like an eagle
So go ahead and be snoopy like a beagle

Cause you won’t find anything to pin a case on me
You be lucky if you can even put a face on me
Creeping around each and every place I be
Get too close and feel some mace in your eye G

I don’t mistreat my men nah
That part why they call me “Ma”
I never let them bump raw
Keep them laced so they don’t run they jaw

I’m a lady stacking mad chips
On my dudes riding mad hips
Using the skill of they dicks
They’s some super duper paid tricks

We live in peace with no malice
Cozy and safe in the Platinum Palace
A wonderland just like Alice
Best believe I got my chalice

Because I’m pimpin like the 70s
With partying and much revelry
You never seen one like this clever me
See cause this’s all a man will ever be:

A man aint nothing but a ho to me
A bonafide pro to me
Someone to stack the dough for me
Slippin dollars on the low to me
Means to the end of a goal for me
That’s the only thing a bro could be

THIS
IS
WHAT
A
MAN
IS

Word.

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Apr. 4th, 2005 at 12:55pm)

I am obviously NOT a rapper as this extremely lame set of verses attests to. I forget the working title of the story or any of the other characters at the moment. Somewhere I have notes on the characters. I don’t think I will ever write the story though.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — To the Left Like Jeff

To the Left Like Jeff

Fellas…
When you come at me you need to come correct
If not
You need to step
With pep
To the left
Like… Jeff
Because patience for fools? I ain’t got none left

Now if this ain’t you then I ask your permission
To speak this to those and pray with me that they’ll listen

So tell me, what is it that you’re REALLY looking for?
Because you SAY you want a wife but you treat me like a whore
I know you’re used to being able to hypnotize the bitches
Little did you know that over time I’ve made some switches

All I hear now when you talk is “Blah, blah, blah wooty woo Baby Baby”
You seem to not realize
That I graduated from bitch to girl, girl to woman
And I’m working on going from woman to Lady
So you can keep your sorry tired lines trying to lay me
You can no longer play me
If I really WAS going to be your whore, best believe you’d have to pay me

Because I hear the things that be coming out your mouth
How you brag about your car and you brag about your house
You even had the nerve to tell me how you bought a $30,000 car for your ex
But you won’t even ask me out to dinner before asking me for sex?
Nigga
Please
Stop
Freeze
Go back to the school of life and get you some new degrees
Because obviously you forgot
That it takes more to get at me than having good looks and some cheese.

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 17th, 2005 at 11:26am)

In case you were wondering (since in the last post I said my poetry was 90% life)… Yes, Jeff was a guy I was briefly involved with. He didn’t go by his first name though and most people didn’t even know it so I  could read this in public at the time with only one or two people getting the inside joke. :-)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — she likes the way it feels

she likes the way it feels

She whispers his name softly just because she likes the way it feels
She likes the way it feels in his arms
So safe
She strokes the back of his neck softly
With the tenderness she hopes to receive
They have never kissed
Just this sweet slow dance with no music they call a “hug”
The electricity is tangible
But…
There is a secret wall that keeps them apart
Neither will speak on it
But they both know it’s there
They both know the what and why of it
And dance the dance of “friends”
But she still loves the way it feels to whisper his name
As her breath falls against his neck
Cherishing a lingering embrace

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 14th, 2005 at 12:50pm)

I’d say no less than 90% of my poetry is based on things in my life or my friends’ lives (at the very least my opinion of the news). This poem was inspired by a friend even though the situation in the poem never actually happened.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — beautiful music drunkening (stream of consciousness)

beautiful music drunkening

(Edited in line breaks for easier reading)

beautiful music drunkening
like wine vineyards best first fruits
lovely dawn in mystic prose
finds mental images sparked true fires small and wondrous
levels of heat and light in soul side
traveling through veins of gold
marked by time and trusted
with only the smallest syllables in which to read
the stalking of the passionate respite or refrain
restricted movement of thistle pricks and thorns
like rose but petals soft and sensuous
strive for bitter vie till morning wakes our senses to the dull reality
so I prefer to sleep or stroll awake in the midnights of caution
but so dangerous to the soul they say
how can we see by the light of the sun or
these incandescent fluorescent brightness
quietly stabbing our retina from within our own thoughts
like insistent insanity moving the immorality of madness
beating like drum throbs in temples over hum of technology
micro sizing our mentality over time we
microwave our intentions in radioactive bursts of
heated passionate demand.

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 11th, 2005 at 9:29am)

It is interesting to read all these poems nearly a decade later. I was so all over the place with my themes and styles. I still am really. I wonder how I will feel about my most recent poems 10 years from now. :-)

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — DELICIOUS (stream of consciousness)

DELICIOUS

(edited in line breaks for easier reading)

Feeding this intermittent hunger for this salavitic desire for temptation realized
I am only a breath away from slipping into perceived sin of flesh
reeling in this mind of slow insanity moved by music chosen for thrill of tone
and slow falsettos and high tenor trembles
moving my mental into near orgasmic spasms of twittering twinges and
why must every thing male be so delicious today
sweet puerto rican divinity passes and
aztecan untouchable smiles sweetly yet unreachable
in my air of this sickening drift older men feed no flame of fantasy
and why is it a wrongness to have the desire for the fullness of experience
I just want the whole thing the full monty the complete package of
wealth health handsome fine sexy talented creative motivating masculinity
move me higher than I am without judging me for being here now
I am so much more than my wallet just like you are but who am I talking to really
to all of them all the men who roll in the shiny cars or the dusty trucks
and lay labels at the feet of a woman who chooses not to label them
in the neat little boxes of computer nerd or entertainer or athlete
but all so beautiful and available in one way or another but
where will I find the deepest place to drink my fill of his essence
the one who can draw paint poem sing dance joke pray his way into my heart
regardless of anything else in the universe
do I deserve the joy I seek?  I don’t care
I just want what I want and have chosen to settle for nothing less and
I am now all I need to be to have what God will give me or whom God will give me to
I am a wife in my core of my very being and who ever finds me will find a good thing of
sweetness and kindness and joy and love and poetry and song and painting and
sketching and dancing and laughing and sharing and sexing and care and patience and
manicure and pedicure and neck rub and back rub and care when sick and
special meals just because and basically all the things I want to have given to me
I just am this super powerful song and poem expressed in a dance of
living breathing success today and every day from now
until God makes the earth back into Eden

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 11th, 2005 at 7:52am)

In 2005 I seemed to waiver between boy crazy and pious. This was obviously a man crazy kind of poem but it does have a bit of the pious thrown in at the end.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Latin Dance

Latin Dance

I am no Latina
But I feel the staccato salsa steps
Imagining a perfect partner
The spinning twirling loving of the dance
Salsa
Meringue
Cumbia
?Eres  puertorriqueña?
?Cubana?
?Dominicana?
?Mexicana?
No
But I love the Latin dance

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 9th, 2005 at 12:27pm)

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Small Wild Dreams

Small Wild Dreams

Small wild dreams flash quickly in my mind.
A deep passionate kiss is shared.
I lick the lip ring.
I swallow sweet salivitic essence.
I revel in the very idea of a mutual attraction
that seems destined to elude me.
So I suck deep sigh breath
And lean back into the mundanocity
Of the every day ordinary.

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 9th, 2005 at 12:04pm)

Another non-pious poem. This one was about an attractive guy at my job. Oh and yes, I did make up a word there. :-P

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Scars

Scars

Can you cherish the scars?
The blemishes of my past experience
Can you handle the scrapes and scratches?
The evidence of moments of pain
The simple and the complex
Minute little traces of my life
Stories left untold
Leaving marks
On my body
On my mind
On my soul
The things that make up the me that I am
Can you see in?
Past the windows to my soul
Into the truest self of me
As tears that you did not cause
Well up in my eyes
Will you despise?
Or…
Will you cherish the scars?

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Mar. 9th, 2005 at 7:50am)

I thought about going out of order and doing a 9/11 specific flash back poem, but decided that there are probably enough retrospectives today and decided to just stick with posting my old poems in chronological order.

This poem is a break from my pious theme.  I wrote it when a new possible love interest came into my life.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Musical Truth (song)

Musical Truth

There ain’t nothing new
It’s all very ordinary
Don’t nobody want truth
And really it’s very scary

Cause don’t nobody wanna hear the truth
What you feed your mind comes out in what you say and do

Seems like everybody’s blind
Don’t they know that what they feed they mind
Will end up coming up in they lives

But don’t nobody wanna hear truth (Don’t nobody)
(2-4xs)

Now I ain’t tryin’ ta preach at nobody
I’m just looking out for self
Singing my song to feed my soul inside me
And if you hearing me I hope it helps

Cause Cain killed Abel
And Noah was naked
Ain’t nobody ever been perfect
But I’m just out here trying ta make it

But don’t nobody wanna hear truth (Don’t nobody)
(2-4xs)

Cause don’t nobody wanna hear the truth
what you feed your mind comes out in what you say and do

Seems like everybody’s blind
Don’t they know that what they feed they mind
Will end up coming up in they lives

But don’t nobody wanna hear truth (Don’t nobody)
(repeat and adlib to fade)

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 27th, 2005 at 12:18pm)

Still in my relatively pious stage of my being. Sadly this is yet another song that I have lost the recording so I no longer know the tune. :-/

 

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — I Pray About You

I Pray About You

I pray before I speak to you
Pray that my words will be tempered with the truest love of God
I hope in faith that God will speak the truth and that my own voice will be stilled
And that your precious heart, mind and soul will receive
Whatever God chooses to give through me
I pray that our intentions towards each other will be in the blessed will of God
No questions
No doubt
No hesitation
Just truth… and peace… and love… and joy
Sometimes I pray to God that He let me hold you for hours at a time
I ask my Father to guide me concerning you
To make me that special soul friend
Whether He joins us romantically or not
To make you that special soul friend to me
I pray
I pray that God blesses you with the truest knowledge of Him
That your life always be tempered by an awareness of His will for you
And that you walk boldly and joyfully in that perfect will of God for your life
I ask God that He keep your health and the health of those close to you
And that if His will is for challenges, that He gives your heart peace
Peace in the midst of the trials
I pray
Yes,
I pray about you

.
(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 19th, 2005 at 10:05am)

In 2005 I was very much in my piety even though I did not attend church regularly. This poem was about someone that I had just recently come into contact with after not speaking for about a year.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — (untitled rap)

(untitled)

Can’t explain all the pain
Of situations I’m in
I live my life alone
As if I’m on an island
On the grind
till I shine
like a thousand diamonds
Making moves to prove
My material worth
Even though I know
My treasure is not on earth

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 17th, 2005 at 3:58pm)

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN

SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN

From deep in the core of the inner cities a cry has risen
A battle cry from the heart as they shout:
“SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN!”
From the tenements and the slums they come
. looking as debris on the seas shifting
Cold reality in their eyes. Hear their cries:
“SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN!”
Roaches and rats and slum property tax
.    won’t buy decent education
We must balance this equation
Or face the repercussions as a nation
You may mock in jubilation
But temporary will be your elation
If you do not make immediate reparations
On this detestable situation
That has been allowed to persist even after
. the Declaration of Independence
. the writing of the Constitution and
. subsequent amendments required after
. the release of the Emancipation Proclamation
Now over a century has passed and they may ask
Is this the only legacy that we have willed them?
To this I say: let the foundations rock and sway
Until they heed today as we cry into the fray:
“SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN!”

How shall they be saved?
First
By educating the adults who keep them in their care
Making them mindful, ever vigilant, and aware
Also
we must improves their homes and provide them tomes
From which they can read the things they need
To know in order to grow and be inspired to move higher
And finally
Remove poverty which enslaves mentally
Fed by the see of greed to be perpetuated institutionally
These institutions of destruction must be disbanded
.     in order to heal poor communities
We can no longer let demagogues act with impunity
Instead create in it’s place and erasure of hate
.     by the truest peace
But until it’s release we must hit the streets
With the battle cry in our mouths as we shout
Up to the heavens until we fill them
With the haunting refrain of the core of our pain:
“SAVE THE GHETTO CHILDREN!”

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 16th, 2005 at 2:50pm)

This poem is on my CD “The Words I Hold” it still reads relatively well after all these years and when I perform it is still the most requested poem I’ve written. 

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — snippet: better than you think

better than you think

Not because I think that I am better than you
But because I am better than you think I am

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 10th, 2005 at 10:44am)

I suppose I could count this as a VERY SHORT poem…
Do couplets count as poems? :-)

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — “GOOD GIRL”

“GOOD GIRL”

I’m a “good girl” so I’ll probably never have a man
Because most men don’t understand
That I’m trying to live by God’s plan
I know I’m a Christian and I’m not supposed to cuss
But most men don’t want a “good girl” the want a woman they can Fff…
(Well you know what I’m saying)
So for that reason men don’t be feeling me
They don’t comprehend my choice of celibacy
And my deciding to live by 1st Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18
“Flee fornication” is how that verse starts
So now some men say that my choice is breaking their hearts
But that I doubt. I don’t have that clout.
All I know is the values I must be about.
The goal of my existence is to be godly
Honoring the Father by purity in my body
So I walk in this conviction
Happy in my restriction
Choosing no friction
Trying my best and never doing the least
And to those who still don’t get me I just wish you Peace.

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Feb. 3rd, 2005 at 10:52am)

Still on the theme of celibacy and virtue. At this point I had gone about a year without intercourse (I had dated someone but we didn’t have sex). I know it is a subject that very few people relate to in this day and age, but for me at the time poetry was how I expressed emotion and how I dealt with whatever was in my life and/or on my mind at the time.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — My Breath Fixation

My Breath Fixation

I want to breathe
Deeply freely shudder breast heave
That sweet intoxicating breath of arousal
But I pray I can contain until the love is spousal
Heavy in my chest the breaths come
Hyperventilating waiting for that special someone
Can I make it?
My fast, will I break it?
How much longer can I take it?
This jones, can I shake it?
All I can do is pray
And wait not so patiently for the day
That I can let loose
This breath noose
Breathe out and breathe in
In absence of sin
Deeply freely shudder breast heave
I want to breathe

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Jan. 31st, 2005 at 2:17pm)

In 2005 I was celibate and although I was not a regular church goer, I still had the idea of saving sex for marriage as a theme in my life. I did not adhere to that in recent years and even though I choose to be celibate again currently, I don’t know that I will wait until I am made “an honest woman” before indulging again. Time will tell.

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — BIRTHDAY (for Kevin Miranda)

For those who are just joining the program, every Thursday I am posting old poems in chronological order of when I posted them in my original livejournal.com blog. Some will be horrible things that I should never share with the public, but I’m sharing them anyway. This week’s entry isn’t a masterpiece, but it isn’t absolute dreck either. I’ll let you be the judge though! :-P 

BIRTHDAY (for Kevin Miranda)

Kind words on the day to celebrate the birth of you
Expectant of the things to do
Visiting with friends and family
In remembrance of what was and anticipation of the things to be
Now is when we take this time

Memories mingled with dreams
Instant sentiment at the edges and seams
Realization of your special worth
Anniversary celebrating your birth
Nods and smiles surround
Definite joys abound
A day of thoughts sublime
(originally posted on livejournal.com Jan. 31st, 2005 at 1:06pm)

… Did you notice? The poem is an acrostic of the birthday boy’s name! :-)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Today I Will Write

Today I Will Write

Today
I will write
SOMETHING
Anything
I will put words together and attempt to be creative
I will reach into my mind and soul
To try to find that place
Where inspiration and originality live
Examining myself
Working towards the goal
Of moving beyond prolific
Into prophetic
Hoping to have quality
With my quantity
Today
I will write

 
(originally posted on livejournal.com Jan. 31st, 2005 at 7:13am)

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — You Don’t Know (song)

You Don’t Know

There seems to be
Some kinda need
For folks to keep
Talkin’ ’bout me
All up in my biz
I won’t put up with it
All I know is
That they better quit

Because you really just don’t know

Refrain / Chorus:
You don’t what my hood be like
(You don’t)
You don’t what my click be like
(You don’t)
You don’t what my people be like
(You don’t)
You don’t what my life be like
(You don’t)
You really just don’t know
(2xs)

I hate when
When people say
Talking out they neck
(What)
They don’t know anyway
Just gossiping
Out wit they friends
Wondering ‘bout my ends

But you really just don’t know

Refrain / Chorus

Bridge:
You don’t know what you’re talking about
(What you’re talking ‘bout)
You just like to run off at the mouth
(Run off at the mouth)
Acting like a silly trick
(Silly trick)
Folk like you really make me sick
‘Cause you just don’t know

Refrain / Chorus

(Refrain / Chorus, Bridge, and ad lib to fade)

 

(originally posted on livejournal.com Jan. 15th, 2005 at 12:59 pm)

Obviously back in 2005 I was much more into flowing in the style that was more Black and not as ethnically neutral as I tend to write now. Sadly, I don’t remember the tune to this song and my recordings were on a USB drive that was lost a few years back. :-/    

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Can you read my mind?

Can you read my mind?

Sometimes I wonder: Can you read my mind?
Do you hear my thoughts whisper “Damn he fine”?
Can you see it in my eyes?
Is my attraction impossible to disguise?
I feel myself physically react to the sight of you
And I wonder if you can sense my intensity too

 

(originally posted on livejournal.com Jan. 11th, 2005 at 2:03 pm)

I have written HUNDREDS of poems over the years and I feel lucky if one in ten is a gem. Reading this one ten years later I don’t find it nearly as clever as I did back then! :-P 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — (untitled)

(untitled)

As I feel dawn’s sun rising below the east I catch my breath
Never once in all my walkings have I strode such a solid step
Mired such willingly without slightest desire of any help
Calmly milking times length as she creeps by with ancient stealth
As breast rise and fall, sanity call this lusty wolf whelp

 

(originally posted on livejournal.com Dec. 27th, 2004 at 6:41 am)

I don’t recall what form this poem is supposed to be. I tried to look it up but I didn’t find a form that was 5 lines with only one rhyme.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — kiss me

kiss me

I feel a salivating hunger for your kiss like a sweet delicacy
Thirsting after the softness of your lips
The taste of your tongue taunting my memory
And I sit in longing
Hoping
For the chance to satisfy this appetite

 

(originally posted on livejournal.com Dec. 24th, 2004 at 10:54 am)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — MY KING

I certainly hope all of you had a wonderful and merry Christmas! Box Day is no time to rest from my throwing back on Thursdays! Looks like I am still on the same theme this week too! Feedback is welcomed and appreciated!

 

 
MY KING
(Original post date/time: 2004-12-10 19:40:00)

Looking for my King
Cafe au lait or dark coco skin
Never too late to begin
Searching for love within
And I grin

Thinking bout a peace divine
I need some piece of mind
I think it’s about time
I got a love sublime
From a man so fine
And he’s mine

Somewhere in this universe
He’s searching for me first
With a line so rehearsed
That it hurts

Because we’ve been apart so long
It’s like a sad love song
God why you do me so wrong
And keep me all alone
But I got to hold on
And be strong

Trying to live God’s plan
And wait for my TRUE man
And try to understand
If I can

How God has us arranged
And has us pre-ordained
And with Christ’s Blood stained

To be
Part of the chosen
From God never stolen
Someday His face beholding
So I wait for my betrothen

And I,
Keep on praying
So he’ll know I’m not playing
Listening for words he’s saying
Wishing he’d stop delaying

Until then
I deal with stress and strain
Bit I’ve got to maintain
These thoughts inside my brain
And contain

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — A CRUSH

So… if you have been following along for the past few months, then I’m sure you noticed as I did that there seems to be a definite theme to the recent throwbacks… I was kind of on a love trip of some kind, eh? Well regardless… as always feedback is welcomed and appreciated! :-)

 

A CRUSH
(Original post date/time: 2004-12-10 12:02:00)

There is that moment
of seeing that someone
and not knowing anything about them.
Yet, there is this attraction.
The distraction of the eyes
that winds it’s way deep into the mind.
And I feel this way.
I saw the outer and it was good.
With time more and more to see
of a simple light
that is small but strong and grows.
I saw the attractive outer of brown skin
of I think Aztec origin.
The cut of the frame
as it held the garment
and felt curious.
I am bold with my ember
and try to see if I can set it to spark.
But the spark does not ignite.
Still there is this.
I listen
and learn more of the person
behind the attractive exterior.
And it deepens slowly this attraction.
Deepening at the knowledge
of poetry and art,
the sensitivity of the heart,
the quietly wild and dangerous part.
So different from me and yet the curiosity grows
And continues to grow
This crush

 

 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Honeymoon

Well hello there readers! Another Thursday to see what I was thinking poetically speaking nearly 10 years ago…

 

HONEYMOON
(Original post date/time: 2004-12-06 13:59:00)

I’m waiting
Waiting for my husband
Waiting for you
For you to find me
Trying to be patient and faithful to you while I wait
But I don’t now how much longer I can contain
This burning desire in my flesh is tightening its grip
I pray to God so hard to keep me
Please hurry and find me
I need your love
And your companionship
And
Let’s be real
I need your sex
So here I am
Burning in my sleep with dreams of you
And what we will do
On our honeymoon

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — The “Perfect” Man

Wow… It’s Thursday again already? Well then I guess it’s time for another flashback for a throwback! I am copying and pasting this directly as I posted it in my livejournal. Not sure what I was thinking with the ALL CAPS but hey, it is what it is. Feedback is welcomed and appreciated!
The “Perfect” Man
(Original post date/time: 2004-12-04 11:55:00)

JET BLACK CROWN
NATURAL HALO FLOWING ROUND AND ROUND
HIS HEAD

CREAMY CARAMEL CAFÉ AU LAIT
THEN THE TRULY FANTASTIC WAY
HE SAID

ALL OF THE THINGS WE AS CHRISTIANS DO WRONG
KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS POEM
HE READ

SHARING THE JOURNEY OF CELIBACY
TRYING TO HOLD ONTO CHRISTIANITY
TO KEEP WORLDLY INSANITY
FROM HIS BED

TELLING THE STORY OF HIS JOURNEY’S QUIRKS
I CAN TELL THAT HE KNOWS THAT FAITH WITHOUT WORKS
IS DEAD

EVEN THOUGH TO THE WORLD HE MAY SOUND ABSURD
HE UNASHAMEDLY TELLS IT IS BY GOD’S WORD
HE’S FED

REACHING HARD FOR GOD’S THRONE TRYING TO BE NEAR IT
LISTENING FOR HIS FATHER’S VOICE HOPING TO HEAR IT
I CAN SEE IN HIS EYES THAT IT’S BY GOD’S SPIRIT
HE’S LED

HOPING THAT GOD WILLS THAT THIS MAN IS FOR ME
AND EVER AFTER WE CAN LIVE HAPPILY
IN GOD’S WILL RAISING A FAMILY
AFTER GOD LEADS HIM TO PROPOSE TO ME
AND WE WED
(AMEN)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — A Special Friend

Keeping up with this mission of embarrassing myself with all this old poetry… this is my WordPress poetic version of posting on Instagram the horrible childhood pics on Throwback Thursday!  I hope you  find this as entertaining as I do! (and as always… feedback welcomed and appreciated)
A Special Friend
(Original post date/time: 2004-11-30 10:47:00)

Can a heart break when mere friendship dissipates?
When the warmth of conversations grows cold
When the excitement of the newness grow old
When meaningful discussion into silence slips
Lost in the imagining of the taste of lips
Hands on hips
Short day trips
Suddenly the beat of the heart grows short
As the outreach of words gains a noiseless retort
The quiet roll of a hushed panic
Making emotion erratic and manic
Softly though
Molasses slow
Letting sadness grow
Feeling overflow
The interest of one has waned
Leaving the other moving lost to be insane
But only that small insanity
Created in the mind by vanity
A knowing in the heart of worthiness of attention
Pride being not loose so that this broil will not mention
Will not say aloud
Will remain too proud
Or…
Will the hubris break?
And sense of this make
Willing to reach beyond conceit
In the middle to meet
Beyond the pride
Sharing what’s inside
The sweetest flower
Growing slowly
Moving and stirring
As the breeze moves the leaves
Quietly rustling deep within
Feeling for a special friend
Amen

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Can a heart break when mere friendship dissipates?
When the warmth of conversations grows cold
When the excitement of the newness grow old
When meaningful discussion into silence slips
Lost in the imagining of the taste of lips
Hands on hips
Short day trips
Suddenly the beat of the heart grows short
As the outreach of words gains a noiseless retort
The quiet roll of a hushed panic
Making emotion erratic and manic
Softly though
Molasses slow
Letting sadness grow
Feeling overflow
The interest of one has waned
Leaving the other moving lost to be insane
But only that small insanity
Created in the mind by vanity
A knowing in the heart of worthiness of attention
Pride being not loose so that this broil will not mention
Will not say aloud
Will remain too proud
Or…
Will the hubris break?
And sense of this make
Willing to reach beyond conceit
In the middle to meet
Beyond the pride
Sharing what’s inside
The sweetest flower
Growing slowly
Moving and stirring
As the breeze moves the leaves
Quietly rustling deep within
Feeling for a special friend
Amen

 

 

~~~~~~~~~

SIDE NOTE… I do not remember if this poem was actually for someone or just made up based on a common situation people go through… knowing me, it was about someone in specific… he apparently wasn’t THAT special of a friend since I don’t remember now! (although to be fair, it HAS been almost 10 years! :-P)

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — This Kiss

So I am still just going through the posts on my livejournal in the order they come up… I apparently was in a certain mood at this time in my life… yeah…

 
This Kiss
(Original post date/time: 2004-11-29 12:49:00)

salivating
softly
sweetly
discreetly
desiring to devour
love’s kiss
like bliss
a nearly sacred sacrament
like smiling
only smoother
tongue
touching tongue
moving
in synchronized unison
a beautiful dance
the taste sublime
candy juices
soda licks
a dulcet saliva mix
soul
to soul
mouth motions
simple
yet divine
on my mind
this kiss

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Imagine

This walk down memory lane is interesting for me… Let me know what YOU think!

 
Imagine
(Original post date/time: 2004-11-23 10:24:00)

Imagine
Bodies intertwined in time
Rhythm undulating in rhyme
And we
Are as one in this dance
This body song
Slow like a lullaby
To rock our souls to relaxation
Then more to the tempo
Moving into deeper sensations
Cries of pleasure echo
Moans and breath unchecked
Oceans from within
Evidence of one properly sexed
Spasms from within chasms
Ecstasy induced orgasms
Carrying us to the top of the max
Mutually satisfying climax
Imagine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SIDE NOTE… I really don’t like to write sexy poetry… this is an example of why… erotic poetry always ends up sounding trite and over trying to me.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Female N****s

So another from back in the day in my Thursday digging in the crates series… I never said they would all be gems and gold… I remember the situation that inspired this… ah poet drama! As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated! :-)

.

Female N****s
(Original post date/time: 2004-11-23 06:02:00)

Female niggas I call “nigras”
‘Cause they be trying to live up to stereotypical stigmas
Ladies,
Ghetto
Is not
Fab-u-LOUS
Yet they
Still feel
That they MUST
Be all up in my business like what is this
Comin’ around like St. Nick on Christmas
A few even got on the mic and dissed me
Trying to shoot their little arrows of pain but oops, they missed me
I could get mad but hey why bother
I just take a deep breath and say a prayer to my Father
Because a woman who is bold about how often she be a skeeza
Is a female who obviously is in need of Jesus

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Complicated Like Calculus (snippet)

I’m complicated like calculus
So mixed up I’m amalgamous

Still from the movie Rushmore

SIDE NOTE… This is not a snippet from a full poem, just a pair of lines that never made it into any other poem. 

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Drawn In By The Lies

It’s that time of week again dear readers! Feedback welcomed and appreciated…

.

Drawn In By The Lies
(Original post date/time: 2004-11-01 11:03:00)

it seems a shame in my mind to find
that the only guys that spark passionate desire
and extraordinary heat and fire
are the ones who by their look
I am utterly shook but read them like a book
one glance is all it took
to know that they are cads who do as they please
avoid virtue as though it were a disease
caring only about their own needs
gathering sex with utter greed
not caring about a better creed
of wife and family

and don’t ever let him be
in any way involved in the entertainment industry
especially if on the stage is where he longs to be
because those are the ones who really give their sex away for free
with not even a tiny thought of monogamy
and seems these guys always seem to be finding me
and they hypnotize with their eyes
and woo me with their lies
because they know that the truth
would have them permanently blocked
from getting between my thighs

so like a sucker I believe
and am drawn in to the web they conceive
crafted with the purpose to deceive
so my virtue they retrieve
after which they bounce and I am left to grieve
~~~~~~~~~
SIDE NOTE… I cringe to read this now… posting it anyway just to show the varying range of my poems.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — I Am Just One Woman

Yet another installment on my trip with the way back machine… as always feedback welcomed and appreciated!

I Am Just One Woman
(Original post date: 2004-10-12 10:28:00)

I
Am
Just
ONE
Woman

Who the FLOCK am I?
Who am I?
Who am I really?

What can I do?

Because this world is so big
And last time we talked
Seemed like the world only revolved around you
Then again…
I can’t help but be self-centered
How else can I keep myself centered?
But even in this tiny bubble of a universe called my brain
I have to reach out to others or I find myself going insane

Which brings me back to the question:
Who am I?
Who am I really?
And…
What can I do?

I see the hate in the streets
And it makes me want to stay home
How can I make a change in the hearts of others?
So that from kindness, love and goodness they won’t roam
If I try to speak on unjust words or actions
I get the same response:
“You can’t tell me what to do
I’m grown!”

I feel this overwhelming compulsion to make a difference in this world
But why?
When all that others do to me is put me down
And laugh me to scorn when I try to spread my wings to fly

So I trip trying to take of
When the haters I try to shake off
Trying to get real and get the fake off

But

I
Am
Just
ONE
Woman

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Quiet Sin

Here we are at week #3 of the ongoing journey into my livejournal.com archives…

QUIET SIN
(Original post date 2004-09-21 10:15:00)

Some sins are quiet
Lurking in the heart
Like a soft shadow of time
But I can’t help but remember
The taste
The salty sweet taste of your essence
Swirled around my tongue
And on my lips
This is my sin
My memory
It has betrayed me
I recall what I stole
In the quiet strands of twilight
The scent of your sweat
The sound of your breath
And it lingers
And so it stays
This silent guilt
This tangible unrelinquished blame
This quiet sin

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Across Infinity

Continuing with cross posting old poems from my poetry livejournal.com blog. I said in the last post that I started it in 2004, but actually I started it in 2005 and back posted some old poems. I’m just going through the posts in the order they come up in my blog. So for the next one…

ACROSS INFINITY
(Original post date 2004-09-20 14:02:00)

I opened my eyes…
and found myself staring across infinity
lifetimes… and universes.. and ages… and dimensions
looking into the eyes of God and His creation
being told the secrets of existence in a language without words
a knowledge inexplicable
that only my deepest soul understands
detached from traditions stipulations and limitations
and yet simultaneously comforted by their familiarity
carried across eternity zig-zagging and spiraling in a straight line
wrapped in paradox and oxymoron of etheric and esoteric idiosyncrasies
blinded by the mundane into a perceived separation from Divinity
powers that be
in this realm hoping that the free
and those who know the truth stay few and far between
the phrase “I am God”
to be heard by the masses
as blasphemous
not realizing that Creator exists in creation
and by creation, existence of the Creator is manifest
beings called “lower”
know truths without voices
beings egotistically calling themselves higher
set into pitfalls of false “choices”
rigorously regimented by the rigmarole referred to as reality
the drumbeat of mediocrity of day-to-day drowning out the call of immortality

Photo from PORTERS ON ENLLI blogspot.

#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — Original Woman

I decided I would start to post my old poems once a week so that you can see where my head used to be… these will be cross posted from my livejournal.com in chronological order from when I first started that blog back in 2004… I’m almost scared to see how some of my old poetry stands the test of time… Feedback is welcomed and appreciated!

So… let’s get this series started!

.

ORIGINAL WOMAN
(Original post date/time: 2004-01-31 08:23:00)

She was found on mama continent
Eve heaven sent
Mother of Man she represent
And yet [the] Pale [ones] still not repentant

Of falter fate gave her progeny
Twisted devil prone to misogyny
Caving mother’s daughter sisters into dark odyssey
Moving Mama Original Woman’s brood on the sea

Archaeologist dug deep in Africa soil
Looking for proof of man toil
Arian pride thoroughly foil
Placing Black firmly at base of foundation of double helix coil

And she lives this original lady
In the faces of sister girl and her baby
Broad nose dark skin like brown and shady
Definitely child of Mother Eve, not maybe

Kinky curly locks and tresses
Regardless of current modes of dresses
Living as original woman child in modern stresses
Waiting for day White of crimes confesses

She be
Found even in part European me
Americanized posterity
Clinging to colorless former master identity

But still ever present in bloodline
Even when so thin fine
Descendants still carry gene sign
Of perfect original design

Marked forever by Eve omen
Perfect and beautiful Original Woman

Fossil found in Ethiopia of ancient female remains

SIDE NOTE: items in brackets are edits because someone who read this poem recently did not know who “Pale” meant